This is my first time

My first blog, the first time I've shared anything. How nervous do I feel??

So, I'm one of those ladies who left it till 'later' to have my children, before which I was a very determined and dedicated Early Years Professional. I was the Operations Director for a chain of nurseries and to say the job was stressful would be an understatement. I loved it though, mostly, I loved the people I worked for and thought there was no way having children would get in the way of my career and me fulfilling all of my aspirations and my motivation for success. I was one of those women that looked at the life of a stay at home mum with dread and I admit, I judged woman who did decide to do that!

In my head having children needn't have changed my life too dramatically, the 50 mile commute each way to work may be a challenge, but the job is so important that the children would just have to fit in. I wouldn't dare go to any silly mummy and baby groups, I simply wouldn't fit in there and the relationships and friendships I have right now will definitely not change - I simply won't let them .......  Well, how wrong could I have been! Things changed when I fell pregnant and I was bleeding in the early days, suddenly I realised that the little baby growing inside me was so precious to me. I accept that 'she' wasn't as precious to everyone else who thought I was being neurotic, but to me she was and I had a responsibility to make sure I did everything I could to keep 'her' safe and healthy whilst she was inside me. This posed a huge dilemna because my life before babies was not conducive to a life with babies..... I had to make some very difficult decisions and one of them was to leave my job, I now joke that I have retired! So that's what I did .... I was going to be the stay at home mum that I judged before and all of a sudden the career I worked so hard for was done, or on hold or whatever it was/is, I'm still not really sure! I was wrong about relationships and friendships as well, many of them have changed, some positively - like the one with my Sister, we have never been so close and she really has become one of my best friends and the best thing of all is I know I can rely on her loyalty and her support and her love, after all she is my sister. Some negatively and I've learned that I can't control that, if people no longer see me as worthy or on their wave length, that's their choice, all I can say is my memories of when times were good will stay with me and I thank them for the impact they had on my life ... beyond that I can't be too hung up on it otherwise it would really bother me. I've even noticed some of my Facebook friends have disappeared, maybe it's because I am one of those parents that shares every proud moment of their beautiful children on Facebook ... and they are sick of it.

I am also now that mummy who does go to mummy and baby groups and actually I've made some beautiful new friends who I enjoy spending time with and their children are becoming my children's friends. The biggest challenge I face now is my own identity, I find I am judged as a stay at home mum, the way I used to judge. People ask my Husband how his work is going, what's the latest project and how busy is he? I've given up waiting for people to ask me the same questions - even though I've got quite a lot to say, after all, I'm just a stay at home mum! You know what though.... I would not change it for the world, I adore every second and I actually quite like the person I've become. One day somebody will ask me that question and I will answer it with the same dedication and determination I showed in my career and I'm very happy that, for now, my identity is that I am the wonderful and fabulous mummy to Rosie and Lydia.