A mother’s instinct is rarely wrong. Our discovery of proprioception and vestibular processing.

People talk about mother’s instinct all the time, that feeling you get in your gut, driven by a gravitational pull to give your children everything you can. The unfaltering desire to keep them safe and secure, to ensure they are healthy and thriving and comfortable and happy.

This is my story about my maternal instinct with my little nearly 4 year old and now we are where we are, I’m so glad I followed my instinct, even though I have worried I was being over cautious to the extreme of neurosis.

My readers will know that I have spent most of my adult life from age 19 working with children under 5, firstly and then being a Mummy to my little girls. So in the last 20 years I have been surrounded by these little people, all of them beautiful and unique and all of them starting off their lives relying on me to lay down the firmest of foundations for their undoubtable future success. After spending so much time with so many little people, you do start to suss them out quite quickly, what makes them tick, what motivates them, what makes them sad and what specific role you can fill to have a positive impact on them. There isn’t much you don’t see. You begin to notice where children may need a bit of help or support, a bit of a push or guiding hand to give them the freedom to thrive and grow. It was always the best part of my ‘job’, when I knew I’d done everything I can and even though I am only a part of their life for such a small time, I have faith and confidence that I’ve made a difference.

Being a Mum is totally different because suddenly the little people around you are yours, it more intense, more permanent and a life long role that encapsulates everything about the meaning of life and the reason why. I often wonder if my previous experience has impacted my style and approach to parenting. It must have and I’ve often thought that sometimes you can know too much, seen too much and experienced too much that when your little people act in a certain way it sends you into a bit of a tail spin (hence the neurosis!).

This has definitely been the case for me with both of my children but in particular with my youngest. It didn’t take long after her birth for me to feel that Lydia had extreme reactions to certain things, not like I’d ever really seen before, but I always thought it was something to be aware of.

She had the most sensitive startle reflex I have ever seen. Literally, the smallest noise or slightest change in environment would make her startle so abruptly that she would have a meltdown. Even if a person’s voice was a little bit loud, she would physically jump and burst into tears. It always made me worry when out and about, when people approached her (as is often the case with babies), she was unpredictable- sometimes she was totally ok with it, other times she couldn’t be less ok with it if she tried. She also suffered from terrible reflux and inadvertently learned to roll from her tummy to her back at about 3 months old, purely because she couldn’t stand being on her tummy. Tummy time was a total no go! So she never crawled, she bottom shuffled, rolled and then walked. Her gross motor development was deemed as ‘slow’ on both her 1 year and 2 year check, but they told me not to worry.

I was always totally bewildered by her desire to put herself in the most random positions and have bodily contact with things. I always said (even at 18 months old) that it was like she wanted as much of her body as possible to be in contact with something at all times so she knew where she was in the world. I also thought she’d grow out of it, but she hasn’t. If she is watching the iPad- she will put her forehead on something, then put herself on all fours to watch it, or squidge herself in a small gap with just enough space for her to curl up so most of her body is in contact with something.

Then there is the clumsiness. Oh my goodness, that girl can fall, trip or stumble for the most menial reasons and it out ways her peers by a truly significant amount. She doesn’t stand out like a sore thumb in terms of her behaviour or socialisation but in terms of things she can do with her body, the difference is huge. Saying that, I have always worried that’s it just me who sees it, as whenever I mention it to people in my ‘circle’ they genuinely don’t feel the same way as I do.

I have said continuously that I’m concerned she has some kind of sensory processing issue, but EVERYBODY (and I mean everybody) reassured me that they didn’t really see a huge problem. I’ve always noticed (particularly in the last year as social time with friends have most frequently been outside) we would all say things to her like ‘don’t run, be careful’ as soon as she picked up any kind of pace. I noticed when we were with friends with children both the same age, older and younger than her, she was always flagging behind, always the one who got tired first, always the one who is reluctant to do certain things that the others are hell bent on doing. If there is a path or trail that is uneven, gravel, mud or sand she is terrified of walking on it. There were times when I thought I was being too sensitive to it, too aware of it, too quick to point it out. With all my wonderful friends and family reassurance that she was absolutely fine, I tried to move on. BUT I just couldn’t. I’d been feeling like this for over 3 years, and even knowing with confidence that she isn’t a child who stands out as someone who needs intervention, that she functions beautifully amongst her friends and class mates and is genuinely a happy and confident little girl, with the best sense of humour, I just couldn’t let it go. She is making progress in all the areas she should be and nothing really stands out so badly that people take one look at her and think that she needs help. She takes the occasional ride on an extreme emotional rollercoaster, but hey, which child doesn’t.

Sometimes you just can’t brush off a niggle and I had a choice to make. I do nothing and just assume I’m being neurotic carrying the risk that by the time she is 7 she gets highlighted as a child that needs help. Or I swallow my concerns about being neurotic and get her assessed so I can finally put my worries to bed and move on with life, or get early intervention which is nothing but a positive thing.

I was also concerned about her being labelled as the clumsy one or the careless one or the ‘unfit’ one. I feel strongly that labelling children, albeit innocently, becomes a self-fufilling prophecy, very quickly, they live up to the label. This stems back to my own childhood and is the subject for a blog in its own right! Also, if there is some form of explanation, or medical term for these character traits it usually comes with a much greater sense of empathy, understanding and far less judgment from others.

I bit the bullet and organised an occupational therapy assessment. I must admit I went into it expecting it to be little more than a time consuming way to confirm that I am that neurotic, over zealous Mum that I ‘labelled’ myself as. I was expecting to end the assessment convincing myself I’d done the right thing and I’d rule everything out.

It didn’t take very long into the assessment for me to realise that there was something going on. The very specific and seemingly simple tasks set for Lydia to complete, that in day to day life you wouldn’t even consider as a hurdle, were clearly quite tough for her. There were some things she just couldn’t do at all and I sat, watching, in a little bit of shock at how tough some things really were for her. At that point my neurosis completely disappeared and I got hit with a sense of relief that I had followed my instinct, guilt that I hadn’t done it before, affirmation that my concerns weren’t crazy and sadness and comfort all mixed together that we could now do something to help Lydia, knowing that early intervention in these instances leads to the greatest success.

From assessment it seems that Lydia has some kind of proprioception and vestibular delay/disorder (I’m not really sure which, but the term delay is a bit easier to quantify in my head than the term disorder) and it totally explains all the elements of her character that have given me cause for concern and worry. And here we are, starting an Occupational Therapy program to help her strengthen and develop. I can only see it as a positive thing and with all the input those in her day to day life are putting in I can already see a difference in her. I also know (and have always known) that she is going to be just fine, she will flourish and thrive and succeed in exactly the same way as everyone else, that is a given, but now, after following my instinct and getting the help we need in her early years, those vital foundations are all the stronger.

I have learned so much from this situation, not only about proprioception and vestibular disorder (something I hadn’t even heard of a month ago) but also about the strength of the gravitational pull I spoke about earlier on. Now, if any Mummy says to me they are concerned in any way about their child, I will, naturally offer reassurance that I’m sure everything is genuinely fine, but I will also tell them wholeheartedly that if they are worried they should seek advice, help or support and go with their gut. It really is a win, win scenario. Either there isn’t any issue and the concern can be firmly put to bed or you are in a position to get any help needed.