The one thing I will not teach my children is fear!

This blog comes in two parts-

I wrote part 1 before part 2 even happened.

Rewind about 4.5 years- when my now husband and I were discussing honeymoon options.... the world was my oyster. Singapore, Vietnam, Maldives, Caribbean, Orient Express and safari in Africa, the world was literally my oyster...... and I choose a driving tour of Italy (which was wonderful by the way) because I couldn’t bare the thought of being on a plane for a long time. Italy was perfect because it’s a 1.5 hour flight, however even stepping foot on a plane was something I dreaded. The only time Rich and I ever really argue is when we are in an airport. I hated flying and was genuinely scared that I was putting myself at a greater risk of dying than in any other situation I could ever be in. Now, of course I know all the stats and evidence that ‘flying is the safest form of transport’, ‘you have more chance of dying in a crash on the way to the airport’ and ‘you are more likely to be murdered than die on a plane’. Despite saying these things over and over in my head all it did was convince me that I was going to be murdered or that I’d crash the car and die. So actually the stats just aided in intensifying my anxieties in other areas. Imagining myself on a plane is like watching a horror movie in my head and I’m the star. It’s genuinely traumatic. What makes it worse is that I know this fear is irrational and for those of you who know me well you know ‘irrational’ doesn’t sit very well with me. I’m the ultimate control freak and totally in control of all of my emotions, so this made my fear even worse, as I wasn’t in control of it and couldn’t get control. They say that a big part of overcoming fear is to learn where it came from.... I know where it came from, flying isn’t a natural thing for me, it’s not something I did very much at all growing up and I’m a sucker for a documentary or news bulletin and nothing gets my attention like the news of a plane disaster. I know by doing this I’m just validating to myself that my fear is justified, and it has made it worse. I am somebody who needs details so I would read article after article on what went wrong on these planes that lead to certain death for all on board. This is not helpful at all and the fact that these disasters are a minute percentage of the planes that had successfully landed in their destination at the very same time as the disaster took place should have made it better, but it didn’t! I’ve talked for years about getting help for this, I have a husband who wants to see the world and I felt I was clipping his wings by not wanting to be his enthusiastic travel companion but it’s actually the girls who have made me finally put my hand up and say ‘let’s get this sorted’. The girls have never been abroad or on a plane and I want them to take to flying like their Daddy does, so doing it young is the best way as children approach these things without a care in the world, they don’t know the fear I felt and I never want them to. So last year we booked a family holiday to Ibiza (a 2.5 hour flight) and in my head I thought I’ve got 9 months to deal with it, the girls are my main motivation and I won’t show them my fear, it will be fine. Then one morning, 5 weeks before the holiday I woke up at 2.30am in the morning freaking out about the upcoming flight and convinced myself I couldn’t go. I know that fear is taught and I know I’m the biggest role model in my little innocent girls life’s and if they see me terrified, they too will be terrified and very quickly learn that flying is something to be feared. I couldn’t possibly have this so I got online and found a local hypnotherapist to give me the help I needed and she had a challenge on her hands, we only had 5 weeks to 'cure' me and I had always believed I wasn’t somebody open to therapy or the power of suggestion.... I’m far too in control of my emotions for that! But I simply had to do something and I so desperately wanted to be ‘cured’. I’m finally in a place in my life where I want to fix myself and I want to travel the world and celebrate all the things that are ultimately at our finger tips and I want the girls to do the same. The flight is a couple of days away and you’ll notice I already talk about my fear in the past tense because I’m confident that I’ve got this and I will be ok. I don’t feel nervous, I feel excited which is a new one for me and travelling abroad.... this can only be a good thing.

Part 2- So I did it! I flew and the girls were great, they loved it and took it all in their stride. I actually learned something about my fear... it was the anticipation of a flight that I found terrifying rather than the flight itself and I didn’t have any of the terrifying anticipation that I’ve suffered with for years. I’m not going to lie, I still didn’t feel overly great taking off (the bit where you are ascending) but I used the skills that Claire McNulty gave me to get through. She gave me an anchor that helped remove myself from the situation and taught me breathing techniques and self relaxation/hypnosis and they worked. For the first time in what seems forever I actually relaxed on the plane and didn’t end up so tense I could barely move like all previous flights in history! I even went and used the toilet (which is a new one on me), which is very handy considering I have a potty training toddler who needs a wee every 2 minutes. The greatest thing that Claire gave to me was that she taught me I am totally in control of how I think and feel about things, and any negative thought that enters my mind, I have the ability to change. This is like a magic trick to me and so simple when someone tells you and shows you how. In my last session with her I got into such a deep state of relaxation that it was a little bit euphoric and I highly recommend this to anyone! I felt great afterwards and have a new found confidence, not just about flying but in life generally. I’m not sure I could say I’m cured.... but I’m 80% of the way there and for the first time Rich and I didn’t argue in the airport! I would recommend Claire and hypnotherapy to anyone who has anxiety or fear that effects their life. I appreciate that it isn't an option for everyone and the point of this blog isn't to sell it as a strategy, my point is when you decide to take control of an issue that effects your daily life and potentially that of your children there is something out there for everyone. Fear or anxiety are a self fulfilling prophecy, you know you don't want it, but you are to scared or nervous to resolve it, so it's just a never ending circle of negativity. There is never any greater motivation to deal with issues than when we have our own children, I've seen people say that time and time and time again. I encourage anybody to take the first steps, investigate options available and if you have ever considered hypnotherapy, do it! Since doing it I genuinely look at the world a little bit differently and the regular stresses and problems that impact my everyday life have a less negative effect on my state of mind. Where I would look at the external influences and blame them for my mood, I’ve learned that actually whatever happens, good or bad, it’s how I view it, deal with it and think about it that counts and I’m am in complete control of that. So now when somebody pulls out in front of me in the rush hour traffic, or nearly crashes into me I smile and nod sympathetically as I’m certain that this person hasn’t intended on making a mistake and probably feels awful! Previously I’d have beeped my horn and shaken my head and been sure to make the other person aware of my dismay, not anymore. My thoughts and imagination are mine, and I am the person in charge of them and I am in control.... and this is such a valuable lesson for my very young and impressionable children and their ever developing minds.

Here is the link to Claire's website if anyone wants to take the leap!

http://www.hypnotherapy4health.co.uk/clairemcnultyhypnosis/