I do care that people think I'm a good Mum...

I pride myself on being quite a level headed person, wife and mummy. I like to think I can navigate my way through all the trials and tribulations of everyday life with a two and three year old, making sensible decisions about the best path to take and tackle any stumbles in the road with consistency and confidence. I can’t think of a time where I wish I’d made a different decision, or feel like I’ve made a mistake even though the pressure is huge when you have two tiny people totally relying on you for everything. I fully embrace the notion that you shouldn’t compare your child to another, even more so now that I’ve had two girls and they are so totally different in everything. But I have to be honest... I do want people to think I’m a good Mummy and I do care that this may or may not be the case. I’m not expecting to be deemed the best mum in the world, I only want to be the best mum that I can be to my girls. When I hear people say ‘well I don’t care what anyone else thinks’ I almost admire them. Don’t get me wrong, the decisions I make are purely for the benefit of my family, what people think wouldn’t alter my decisions but I do want people to think that I’ve made good decisions. I’m only sharing this because I am not usually alone when I have feelings like these and I think it’s something people would be reluctant to say out loud at risk of being criticised. At times it is a bit consuming, particularly when the girls aren’t with me. Some days I worry that maybe I didn’t give them a kiss goodbye and how cold that must seem, or that I was so busy and focused on getting them where they need to be safely and efficiently that I was disengaged from the rest of the world and that may appear rude. Some days I feel like I’ve spent the whole day second guessing myself, or justifying my own decisions to myself- almost like I’m having an argument with myself. I guess (hope) this is just something that goes with the territory of being a parent. I would hate people to think that I share my children’s achievements to make myself look good, that certainly isn’t the case and I think it’s so sad that parents get slated for sharing their pride in their children, or ‘showing off’ about something they have done, or can do. I definitely put my children on a huge pedestal and will shout about the things they do, but never at the cost of making another Mummy or Daddy feel bad. Every little person deserves to be celebrated for what they are doing at that time and every little person is motivated and enthused by different things. Parenting isn’t a competition. I am one to share on social media.... that’s fairly obvious considering ‘I like to tell a story’ was born out of wanting to share my experiences with my children. I respect that wouldn’t be for everyone, and that’s their choice as much as this is my choice. I can be incredibly opinionated (I try really hard not to be) and confident in my views but I would never intentionally be preachy or forceful with those opinions. Nobody knows their own child better than their parents. Since becoming a Mummy (and having left my quite consuming and stressful job) I have become very good at self reflection and I’ve gone from being somebody who was quite defensive and unaccepting of others critique of me, to someone who looks at the way I’ve dealt with certain situations and will see how I could have behaved differently. I am now learning that is it ok to show vulnerability, or imperfection or even emotion at times where those things are needed and I need to own that, rather than worry that I’ve shown weakness.... there is absolutely nothing wrong with my children being my weakness. Please don’t read this thinking that I’m seeking compliments about my parenting skills. I’m truly not and I’m really not good at taking compliments anyway! What I’m hoping for is that people will confirm that they feel this too, that they can relate to the daily Mum (or Dad) guilt and the times of second guessing. I also want people to read this and think she’s hit the nail on the head meaning that I’m not alone, which is such an important message to share in the most pressurised but precious jobs there is.... that of being a parent.