Can you relate? Please tell me you can!

When you know you are leaving a shop, pub, park or anywhere else that you might take your children and you know the people there are probably thinking ‘thank god they left’ or ‘goodness, that child is naughty’ or making other comments about the fact that your child has just totally embarrassed you and themselves it isn’t a very nice feeling and I’m sure (maybe I secretly hope) that this happens to most parents with small children at some point.

Going into Russell and Bromley to spend another small fortune on wonderful shoes for the girls turned into a complete nightmare. Lydia was as good as gold, but Rosie.... well, let’s just say she probably didn’t leave a very good impression. It was like she’d been freed from a cage or something, she wouldn’t stop climbing all over the benches and running around, I’d go as far to say she was feral! Despite telling her a number of times to stop, even offering her frozen on the phone didn’t stop her, which is scraping the barrel when it comes to options. I find myself thinking ridiculous things like ‘she’s so ungrateful’, ‘there’s children in the world that would love these shoes and she’s just being a brat’ and then I remember she is only 2 so is totally unaware of these things. I’m sure there were probably a small number of people in there saying ‘if I were her mother I’d.....’ especially when Rosie smacked me in the face. The thing is, in this situation she makes me so angry that I can do nothing but get out as quickly as possible and contemplate my next move because I will never discipline the girls when I’m angry.... I don’t think that’s productive and this probably leads to judgment from the outside world, as it looks like I’m doing nothing to tame the demon that is my child.

With my tool box of skills and experience in behaviour management you’d think things like this are like water off a ducks back to me, but they really aren’t, in fact I’d say they are probably the most challenging times in my parenting. I can not abide children that smack their parents and I have a child that does it. Only very occasionally, but she does and usually in the most public of places. My immediate reaction is to smack her back..... controversial I know.... and like I said I will never discipline my children when I’m angry for this reason. But how can I make a little person who is only aware of her own feelings and emotions, only cares about herself and can’t empathise, understand that smacking is not acceptable. I’m not one to sit her down right where we are stood and have a 10 minute conversation about it. I think this is too soft, again controversial I know, but asking her to explain why she smacked me in the face will not help, especially as I know why she smacked me in the face. So instead I put her in her pushchair and withdraw her bunny and her handbag of toys that she carries around with her, as this is her shopping bag and I tell her she can’t have it anymore because she’s been unkind. This obviously doesn’t help the world of judgment because she is now totally kicking off, but in my head, she’s safe, secure and I have some element of control as I’m now the one calling the shots. She can scream and shout all she likes. People can look at stare and think what an awful child she is and how I am a stony faced mother (who is actually dying inside) who is cold and not responding to her screaming child. But that’s the way it has to be at that moment. Does this sound familiar to anyone??

It takes me ages to get over these situations as I just can’t believe that my child is like this..... have I done something wrong, or am I doing something wrong? Or can I just totally reassure myself that this is totally normal and all parents go through it. I hope it’s the latter.